<<[JasMinE]>>

Everything ends with a full-stop

2012-01-23T01:37:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to feel or what to do or how to behave anymore..
You have always been the most important person in my life for the past 3 years & now this is it.
I can't remember a time when I am not happy to see you.
I can't remember a time when I am not glad to hold you.
I can't remember a time when I am not waiting to hug you.

I put aside time, money, life, love, family, friends and everything for you.
I lose myself for you. I mold myself to suit you. My schedule revolves around you.
You are my life. You mean the world to me. & now, all that is left is me.

A New Year, A New Beginning...

-broken

2011-09-03T07:13:00.002+08:00

Things were not what they were anymore.
Things change, people change.
A once warm and inviting arms have now turned into stone -
cold and hard.
Where is the calm and giving heart?
Where is the inviting smile?
All gone and now I must too.

I will be who you want me to be.
I will listen and never question.
I will smile when you want me to,
laugh when you demand me to
and cry when you tell me to.

The more I love, the harder I fall.
The more I give, the worst it hurts.
What do I do?

Take your pick: an animal, a puppet or a plant?
Now, tme to order and manipulate and prune.
Shape it into the ideal lover that you will like to have.
When all is done and you are bored, dump is aside and walk off.
That's the story of a girl who was once a human.

Can I not feel anymore?

2011-05-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

Can somebody tell me what is going on?

2011-03-27T16:22:00.002+08:00

What's with us these few days? Haiz... I'm feeling very tired trying to compete for you with your parents.. We want very different things for and from you.. I NEVER wanted to leave you.. But lately, i've also been thinking.. "Are we really meant to be together?" "What do the future holds for us?" I'm not brought up in a very traditional family.. There are times when I can get away with some things that I know I should not do.. But I also know that if I don't speak up and fight for what I want or feel or believe, I will always be stepped on by others.. I have been doing that for the past few years before I met you & I don't want to go back to the days when I don't dare to speak for myself.. It used to always be a war brewing whenever I'm at home.. Coz I am very strong-willed and extremely hot-tempered with my parents.. You can say that it is coz I was a teenager and during puberty.. But I beg to differ.. I need freedom and I hate to have people telling me what I should do & what I shouldn't do.. You can tell me.. But it is my choice whether I want to follow and heed your advice or I don't.. It is my life and I am responsible for how I want it to turn out.. The recent incident had left a very negative impression of me on your parents.. I know I'm in the wrong for not clarifying things before pointing fingers and accussing your mum of what she never did.. I apologized.. But will she be able to leave it in the past and forgive me? Which future daughter-in-law want to be at loggerhead with her future parents-in-law?

I want to be able to talk to them whereby they won't judge me for who I am not and might never become..

brokenhearted

2011-01-22T09:50:00.002+08:00

How should I feel?
I love you so much that it hurts
I love it so much that it is eating me up from inside..
I thought we had a deal?

We had to deal to listen with our hearts
We had a deal to never hurt each other intentionally
We had a deal to restart
But somehow it never happened..

I feel lost and helpless without you beside
I feel cold and unwanted without you to hold
I feel lonely and unloved without you in my life
What will my future without you behold?

I'm sorry for hurting you
I'm sorry for saying nasty things
I'm sorry for not trusting
I'm sorry for everything and everyday.. I love you

2011-01-06T18:39:00.002+08:00

Do I not feel that need to blog or in a better sense of the word, vent after i've got a boyfriend? If yes, does that means I've been venting all my anger and using up all my energy on him that I don't see the need to blog anymore?

Anyway, a parent just feedback to me saying that all her little girl had been talking about for the past 2 weeks that the school closed is ME! The feeling is just out-of-the-world! Now, I know why some people kept going back into the teaching field and staying on after so many setbacks and difficulities.. Because, the returns that you get needs no description.. It is purely the feeling that your students give you... & my students being so innocent and pure at their age, words from their mouth is nothing but what they really felt..

& I saw one of my ex-student who came to fetch his sis.. He still remembers me and even hugged me.. Pure bliss!!

Who is to say a teacher's work isn't great..

The only occupation that touches and changes hearts is that of a teacher!

4/5

2010-06-10T23:00:00.001+08:00

Went out with Girlfriend to collect graduation robe.. I really missed talking to & hanging out with her.. But when she calls, why do I feel a pang of jealousy? I have no right to stop who she mixes with or talk to.. Is is because she is 'a new blood' & is more interesting? Or have we grown apart in some way? I feel that our bond is not as close as it used to be... What should I do?? Anyway, I went home after collecting the robe.. Felt tired... Lost my momentum after slacking..

I'm thinking of going somewhere to work for the time being.. I'm starting to feel lazy & this is NOT GOOD! Either go back to GH(where everyone is leaving) or apply a job at the Sentosa Resorts.. Work with Andrew again.. Somehow I missed my chefs friends.. Missed the times we hung out at Killiney over iced coffee/tea after work & gossip about things that are happening & things that we see.. They might not be as gentle or civil as my parents would like my friends to be, but they are my friends & they've helped me in many ways over the period i'm working there..

It is finally the end of Thurs & my dear is coming home tml night!! I'm so happy!! But he might have to be called back on Sat.. ='( 1 night & we have to part again...

Dear, I really missed you alot.. HANG IN THERE.. It is the last day tml already.. You've already come so far.. I'm sure you are able to complete the last day & emerge victorious! I will always be waiting for you are the finishing line.. I Love You.

3/5

2010-06-09T15:55:00.002+08:00

Half the day is gone.. It is getting difficult... I'm bored, I'm frustrated, I'm irritated, I'm perspiring, I'm seriously missing you... =(

2/5

2010-06-09T02:20:00.002+08:00

Beginning of the 2nd day alone..

How amazing is that that I can sleep for 12hrs straight & wake up at 1.15pm!!
Pretty much the same routine.. Wash up, on my laptop, spree-ing.. Had breakfast & lunch within 30mins of each other.. After lunch, more than half the day is gone.. Which means I'm left with about 4hrs till dinner time.. haha...
Went for dinner at IMM crystal jade.. The soup was FANTASTIC!! some double-boiled pork soup with winter melon & some other ingredients.. After dinner, back home to slack before goin to sleep at 2.30am.. Hmm... Maybe i'll wake up at 2.30pm! who knows.. But it is so warm tonight that I dun feel like sleeping.. kept perspiring.. irritating tropical weather..

He was shooting the whole day & even have to clean weapon in the middle of the night.. Isn't the army suppose to train men to be fitter? How does depriving our men of sleep equates to building up their alertness, energy & fittness? Don't they know that SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL TO A PERSON'S WELLBEING?? apparently, they don't...
Battle on!! Haiz... I miss my laogong.. It feels so weird without him around.. I can get through the day quite alrightly.. But when everything is quiet at night, it becomes doubly difficult.. I wan to hear his voice, I wan to feel him close to me, I wan to hold him & touch him.. ok.. I should stop before I really break down..
A pat on my back for getting through the 2nd day intact.. 3 more days to go...

1/5

2010-06-07T11:16:00.003+08:00

1st year, I was pleasantly/unpleasantly surprised..

I had some weird dreams again.. =x

Kelvin is protecting the country now.. Feels so weird not having him around.. But I WILL SURVIVE the next 4.5 days!!

Reached home at 8.07am, on my laptop & starting organizing my spree things - accepting orders & putting them into the correct tab, calculating total amount, doing up breakdowns of previous sprees & verifying payments made. Finished only now at 11.28am.. Phew!
Shall start playing FB games till lunch time..

After lunch, SLEEP!!

Woke up at 4.30pm & followed mama up to Woodlands to fetch Didi.. Was suppose to meet someone at woodlands but the person is taking too long to come from Vivo. End up, meeting the person at Bukit Batok.. Went home, surf net abit den went for dinner at Westmall le..

Good night world - 1:15am

1st year =(

2010-04-30T12:19:00.000+08:00

He asked what am I so unhappy about?!
Am I expecting a lot from someone who does things at the very last minute? He has one entire year to think, to plan, to modify, to do whatever he can to make it happen the way he wants. But he happily started thinking about what to do 1 night before. Whatever I suggested, he just brushed it off saying he will plan something. In the end, it turns out whatever he wanted to do did not happen the way he wanted and now he tells me that we will do what I suggested and tells me ‘hey, just as long as we are together can already rite?’. Hello?? If he can’t fulfill whatever he set out to do, den don’t brush away my suggestions. Coz when you do, I’m expecting something better than what I suggested.

Why did I even say that we don’t have to do anything? I’m happy enough just as long as we are together. Firstly, I didn’t want to expect and end up getting disappointed when you can’t deliver as planned. Secondly, I really felt that it wasn’t necessary. Thirdly, I don’t feel that I have enough time from you to do things together with you, without you thinking about other things.

Disappointed

2010-04-25T09:03:00.002+08:00

Is it so difficult to understand that I'm willing to scarifices everything for you?
Is it so difficult to comprehend that when I mean everything, it really IS everything?
Is it so difficult to know that I want to be with you all the time I can?

I'm going out of my way to be with you as much as I can & as long as I can, if you can't do it, then say so.. Yes, I expect alot from you but I've also come to realize that you will never be able to match everything that I've given you and done for you. You might say that I'm the most important to you. But when other things you want to do comes along, I'm shifted away.. If I wan to see you, I need to wait after you've finished what you want to.. Don't deny, coz I did wait for you for your lifeguard trainings to end, I did wait for your lessons to end, I did wait in the office the whole day just so that I can have lunch with you & have dinner & go home with you after you finished work. When exams come, I'm moved to the 2nd place. I'm fine with you studying hard for our future, but you can forgo everything when you study. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you even ignored me.. You said that as long as I'm happy, you will be. But my dear, if you didn't realize by now, most if not all of the time, you are the one making me unhappy..

I'm not angry.. I'm just very disappointed.. I'm never angry when you do something that hurts me.. The things that I will be angry is when you are doing things to hurt yourself.. Then, I will be angry at you.. Coz here I am trying to make sure you have enough to eat, providing food so that you won't be hungry, preventing you from over-indulging on sweets & fats, making sure you have enough sleep to rest your mind & body, making sure you have adequate water to hydrate yourself.. & you are doing everything to go against me.. Was I wrong to stop you from eating fats? Was I wrong to stop you from bingeing on sweets?

You asked why I have not been updating much coz it had been that long since I was so hurt by what you did.

WTF?

2010-03-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

I just saw Shron's blog entry. There are so many funny things Wheelock Lecturers said:

**** Leow, 2010 as cited from Shron Sugumaran (2010)****

“I used to have two friends in primary school. Fatt Chee and Fatt Weng. Very beautiful names. One means prosperity and the other means wealth. So everyday when I went home, I would tell them. Fatt Weng Bye! Because also must be nice to the brother ma. So I also said bye to Fatt Chee”

“I used to have a student called Chow Chee.”
Then he said, “the key word here is ‘Chee’. Just be very wary. You know I shared this with my current year one students. They didn’t get the joke.” So Shron told him that it was very easy to understand. And he said, “No. They are five years younger than you. Very different.” “They only know 'WTF'. SMS also 'WTF'. Where’s the fun?!” (The L*m P*r Tua also damn funny)

“Can you go to Macdonalds, buy a burger and tell them, “I pay you one month later?” They tell you go and die.”

“You borrow money, it’s not a crime. You don’t return the money, also not a crime. You hit the banker, that is a crime.” - Love this!!!

“You cannot go to a supplier and ask them for five screws, They will screw you.”

_______

**** Mr Ho (2009) Favourites ****

Mr Ho: You know why the marbles are red and white?
Class: Why?
Mr Ho: Because they are made in Singapore!

"My mother is a mother."

One morning, Mr Ho was explaining the who stats equation to us. After 5 minutes he said finished and we all stared blankly at him, he muttered under his breath "Hiya I write down lah. Some people bring eyes never bring ears."

"Next time I bring the duster to the other side you all must stop me."

"I bring home the bag (of assignments) I also never mark. But bringing the bag around makes me feel better."

_____

**** Others****

"I was once a girl..." Koh, 2008 --> some Science theory about cells

"Girls, you can never find Mr. Right, only Mr. Compromise. And you can only compromise what's left." Sukuna, 2008

Adapted from Shron, 2010

So, WTF? In class with my 62 other ladies & hilarious lecturers..

On a 2nd note, i'm still in NTU.. =(

I WANT TO GO HOME!!!

Vanishing Acts

2010-03-17T09:40:00.003+08:00

People don't vanish into thin air; that when you can't find someone, it's becasuse you've been misdirected to look elsewhere. (p.2)

No matter what kind of life I had, you'd be at the end of it. (p.41)

Just because you keep something a secret doesn't mean it never happened, no matter how much you want that to be true (p.49)

Believe what you want, but be prepared to answer this questions: In my shoes, how do you know you won't have done the same thing? (p.52)

When people we love make choices, we don't always understand them. But we can go on loving them just the same. It isn't a matter of comprehension. It's forgiveness. (p.60)

History is indelible. You can mask it; you can path it smooth & clear; but you'll always know what's hidden underneath. (p.61)

My Sister's Keeper

2010-03-17T09:23:00.003+08:00

You don't have to be awake to cry (p.33)

It is the things you cannot see coming that are strong enough to kill you. (p.102)

Maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it. (p.298)

It doesn't take a whole long life to realize what we deserve to have, we rarely get. (p.316)

2010-03-07T18:37:00.003+08:00

I never knew walking around Marina area in the middle of the night is so refreshing & educational! Yan Fang, love walking around with you.. =)

A new rule: Volunteer for events whereby the volunteering hours are shorter. much shorter than 12hrs!!

2010-03-01T08:51:00.003+08:00

Dream #1
We were on a tour in some desert. One of the tour member brought her pet cloud leopard which is tamed. It is on a leash made of thick rope. I was playing with the leopard (imagine a cat playing). But i think the rope got loose & it is freed. It came towards me & held onto my hands extending his claws a little. The claws did not hurt me very much but seeing the leopard holding me, my uncle tried to pry open his paws which hurts.

Dream #2
There is a camp at my pri sch campus 2 the bookshop area. Those who had been to Nanyang Pri campus 2 will know where i'm indicating. Anyway, the bookshop had been turned to a platform. Can't remember much only that one of the things people were doing was to do something with a hoop of fire.

& I'm having headache.. Want to pull my hair out! -.-

2010-02-25T22:22:00.002+08:00

Why did you have to leave when tears are rolling off my cheeks?
Don't you know actions speak louder than words?
The look on your face, looking into your eyes, the way you feel are enough to tell me things I never want to hear.
I really didn't mean to & I really have got no choice.
Can I turn back that time?

Not again...

2010-02-25T00:18:00.003+08:00

Last night I dreamt again... -.- A very short one this time & only remember bits & pieces of it..
Dreamt that i was in some school canteen after school.. Fahmie is there too eating a mango. I wanted to have some of it but he wouldn't allow me to.. Then, I went to drink from the water cooler. -End of dream-

My weird dreams & I

2010-02-23T10:01:00.003+08:00

Dreamt 3 different dreams in a night..

Dream #1:

I am outside my old house - 61 Elizabeth Drive, waiting for my mother to come out. I'm holding a camera & took down everything I saw.. I see a sun eclipse happening at night. During the eclipse, a series of images happen.. First, there is fireworks, then 3 shooting stars. After which a giant octopus appear around the 2 o'clock mark & a giant squid appear around the 8 o'clock mark. The octopus chased the aquid around the eclipse & in the end ate the squid up. After which, 2 colourful object which looks like parts of an engine appear.

Dream #2:

I was in some river/sea. The water is crystal clear. We have to cross from one bank to another. People were walking in lines, carrying their bao fu. One side is for people, the other side is for cars. I helped a very lean cheetah to cross the river. He told me that they "cannot bite the neck of another animal. If you want to kill it, it have to be above water level where everyone can see it". A police was directing the flow & there were 2 other people beside him. I grabbed the nape of the cheetah to helped it. But it came to a point whereby I can't reached the ground & would have to start treading water. But with the weigh of the cheetah, I would be underwater. Hence, I whisper into the cheetah's ears that he can cross the river by jumping on the cars. I see him on a red car, he looked back & started crossing. When he reached the other bank, he disappeared.

At the other side, it seem like a garden with looks like rice plantation.. There are levels; a stage is at the front; 1 step down there are 2 trees at both ends & another step down, there are also 2 trees at the end. The trees look like those that children draw.. Cloud-shaped top & 八-shaped bark. My youngest sis appear beside me & she saw a girl sitting at the bottom of the tree on the last step, the extreme last tree. She pulled her up & we started dancing. Samba basic steps but to the side. After a while, 5 african boys came on stage. All of them were crippled in the legs. But all of them can stand on stage.. They started throwing baskets to the audience & fell off the stage purposely to get their baskets back by using their arms & hands to move towards the person. One of them who fell off, was crippled in both legs. He went up to an audience & took the wine glass from him using his right hand. In 1 breath, he drank the content down. It is a pale yellow liquid which looks like white wine. In his left hand is an empty glass. His friends had to pull his arms & dragged him towards the steps leading to the stage. At the steps, he kissed a white boy on his cheeks.

Dream #3:

Setting is at home, in my room. Kelvin is also with me. We were watching some video on my laptop but I'm so tired & just want to sleep. I shut down the laptop & dragged him to sleep with me. But he said that he is not tired and might end up disturbing me. I fell asleep & dreamt that we went to Giant for grocery shopping. I didn't bring my handphone. We were pushing a trolley each with things in it. When he turned from one aisle into another, I couldn't find him anymore. So, I pushed my trolley out to some place with a big TV screen (like the one outside SHAW). The structure of the building is landscape & only about 2-3 storeys high. The entrance & exit is using a staircase at the side of the building from the 2nd floor. The staircase is similar to those in primary & secondary schools whereby there is a platform in the middle. I reached the place with the TV screen & started watching it. The screen is hypnotic & I was hooked. After ages, Kelvin found me. I hugged him & told him that "I miss him". I was so glad to see him again. Coincidently, behind me is the river that I previously crossed.

4 Tattoos

2010-02-18T10:04:00.002+08:00

Dreamt about him again.. This time, it goes like this...

you have 4 tatoos on your right shoulder blade.. 1 horizontal at the top, 2 vertical side by side nearer to the right side & 1 horizontal at the bottom.. Can't remember the other 3 designs but 1 of them is a desing of the word princess.

According to Dream Moods (2009), "To dream that you have tattoos, represent individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to be unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is. Alternatively, to dream that you have a tattoo, suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that you had expected."
"shoulders represents support and your ability to nurture others"
"To dream that you are a princess, indicates that you are recognizing your full potential. You still need to grow more and develop your full character. Alternatively, you may be too demanding and perhaps acting like a spoiled brat."

So, what does all these mean? My interpretations is that to me, he is an individual; he stands out from the crowd; he is unique & different from everyone else. My relationship with him is having a much longer lasting effect than I expected?
To dream about his right shoulder, he probably supports & have the ability to nurture me..
To dream about the word princess, is it about him or me that we are still recognizing our full potential & need to grow more & develop our full character. Or am I too demanding & perhaps acting like a spoiled brat?

2010-02-16T00:02:00.000+08:00

It is a brand new start & I'm looking forward to it with you...

2010-02-14T23:43:00.003+08:00

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.. But still I hesitated in entering the house... June aunty was very nice & made me felt welcome.. =) unlike the other people.. =(

Dear, thanks for taking the initiative in coming with me to visit people I know.. Although they are not my relatives, but it is still a first step.. I'll have the opportunity to watch lion dance tml! so happy!! =D

Happy New Year

2010-02-13T23:35:00.003+08:00

Another few minutes will be a New Year. I want to thank my friends for being there for me.. Although most of them are clueless about this..

Siti... for allowing me to be myself & still loves every bit of me
Siok Hien... for being my xiao bai & listening
Stephanie... for being my girlfriend & loving me unconditionally
Sarah... for being sane in an insane world
Laura... for being my HPY & making me smile
Gillbert... for being a bro I never have
Kian Hoong... for being a shoulder to lean on
(funny how majority of them starts with 'S')

Thank you for the loving things that always mean so much,

your smile,

your warmth,

your tenderness,

your gentle caring touch.

Thank you for the quiet times when we're all alone,

magic times for sharing a dream that's all our own.

Thank you for yesterdays & bright tomorrows too.

Thank you for the special joy I've found in having you.

2010-02-13T00:12:00.001+08:00

I will always stand by your side no matter what happens.

This is my only promise to you.

I love you.

2010-02-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

Things have not end yet. Even today, an argument starts. I really feel very tired of raising our voices & trying to get through to each other. We progress very fast, even faster than I could possibly imagine. We are together not to test if we are suitable to be together but rather to see if we are compatible for marriage. It is less than a year & things have start to go wrong. We started to find fault in everything that we do. I'm confident that we will be able to overcome the hurdle & become even stronger. But I really need you around. More interactions means more chances to have frictions & conflicts.. But it doesn't seem to be the case with us. The lesser we see each other, the more conflicts & arguments we have.. -.-

2010-02-10T22:24:00.002+08:00

What's with this week? I hate it!
The minute we see each other, we quarrel. It has really become very tiring. You kept telling me not to behave in a certain way, but have you even wonder what are the underlying reasons for my behaviours? Things do not happen because of the one thing that you done, it happens over a period of time whereby I can only resort to swalllowing my words. Even ever I want to comment on something, you become defenive. You have assignments, I have too! So why can I finished mine while you can't?!
From now onwards, I am not going to take the initiative to do anything for you anymore.. You want anything, you open your mouth & ask. No more going to wait for you to finidh lessons, no more going to your school to wait for you. You have a car. Make use of it.
From the time we are together, what have you made for me? Have you done anything with your initiative? Listen to me and listen with me! Where are my straw hearts? Where is my dogtage from the Army Open Housae?!! A simple thing succh as asking you to cut your fingernails!! You take ages to do so. Do you even want to do anything I say willingly without me pushing for it?

Never compromise our time. When you set out the time, don't even change it without asking! When you say we will reached home by a certain time, you better do. When you have allocated the time, you better keep to it and stop making excuses like I need to wash the car or that you need to go fetch your bro! He is already 20 bloody years old. I'm sure he can go home himself. When my bag is so heavy, do you come & just to fetch me? For him, you can travel from sch to home to boon lay to home again.. But when I asked you to come, you start making 'reasons' that it is too far, it is not practical to travel up & down & I can go home MYSELF!

Stop making me feel that I am not as important to you already. I'm sick of it. Wait & see...

The final lap

2010-02-08T21:58:00.003+08:00

It is the FINAL LAP! -sounds familiar?- maybe you have been to the arcade & played Daytona too much in the past.. =p

It is the final week of the term.. After this week, there won't be any more 6 intensive weeks, late nights chionging of assignments, sleeping in class, dark eye circles, bulging eye bags.. Kinda miss it.. Which also means we are 6 weeks closer to our graduation & going into the workforce! A big & scary thing to do..

For now, everyone hang in there! We are all in this together & we will survive & emerge victorious!

I'm SO proud of my 62 Wheelock cohort 2 Girls!

♥ ♥

2010-02-08T21:26:00.002+08:00

This is way overdued.. But better than never up here..

"If you have a wonderful husband, fiancé or boyfriend that works hard to provide for you & would do anything just for you, then repost this as your status to give the honest, well behaved men out there the recognition that they deserve. because great men are few & far between, & I have one! ♥ ♥ ♥ =)"

Kelvin, I just want to say THANK YOU for everything you have done & everything you have not done! i love you.

HPY

2010-02-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

Today, i dreamt again.. But can't remember what the dream was about.. =/
Went to Wm with my HPY after school to get a present for my Meinu! Then to library to do our assignment. Initially, i didn't wanted to go to Wm cause I know that I won't be able to do anything there. Not a very conducive place to study you see.. But, i still went. At the library, I saw Mabel's mum - Aunty Christina & a teacher from my sec sch. Although he didn't teach me before, he seems to be able to recognize me from somewhere. Haha... He is the one that was always bullied by the students.. True enough after about 15 mins, we left the library and went ot Sakae for dinner.. After dinner, we walked around for awhile looking for HPY's hp strap. I decided to head to her place to do work. But, i believe you can guess, we never got to do any work. i ended up looking at her things, being so amazed at all her books, toys, paper products, music notes, DVDs, etc. Her room really has ALOT of things.. Like REALLY alot! Although, I wasted my own time & caused my HPY to spent her time with me being unproductive, it was a really refreshing & calms me down alot. I want to go back to her house again..
HPY even named a bright 'star' after me! Woohoo~ & it is just right outside her house..

Girlfriend is starting to talk to me again... I'm so happy!! I shall be patient.. Omm...

Dear, it is just 1 day & i'm already missing you so badly.. =(

Imagine you going overseas to study & work, I think i will die!

Lk th fearys i HPY's feary buk

Weird Dreams

2010-02-02T09:27:00.001+08:00

A few episodes of dreams occur..

1st: setting is in APS office. Rachel, a parent, a child & I were in the office. There is a thunderstorm that day. Suddenly the electricity trip & the office blackout. I immediately rushed out to the back to push back the electricity. Meanwhile, Rachel called out to the parent who is at the back & directed them towards her. Reminding them to go slowly & be awar of things around them so as not to fall.

2nd: setting in school. Jacky proposed to yixuan in makan place. She ran out very excitedly & told us that he proposed right after dinner on her birthday.

3rd: part 1; setting at carousal. Kelvin & I were dressed in gu zhuang attire & queuing to go up the carousal. Suddenly, another couple appear & cut our queue.

Part 2; setting at the pagoda. There were a few people: Kelvin & I, 2 ‘witches’ - similar to the 3 witches who shares an eye to see & my ex (whom I have no idea who he is). The witch told Kelvin & I that although I am together with him, who I really love deep inside is my ex which I am not aware of. She told Kelvin to be wary of my ex.

Part 3; setting at a backyard with the backdrop of pagodas on clouds, blossom plum trees, like the scene when e monkey king went to the palace. There were 6 people having a western meal. Pork rib with boiled potatos. My parents, Kelvin, my ex & me. Kelvin is beside on my left, my ex is opposite me & my parents are at the side. While talking, the ex kept giving me his food. Firstly it was the pork rib, then the potatoes. After awhile, Kelvin saw & he doesn’t like it so he stopped talking. I realized & consoled him by rubbing the base of his neck but he kept jerking away.

Must be to stressed over assignments.. weird things happen in my head..

What's in a dream?

2010-01-28T06:36:00.002+08:00

I had a dream last night.. I was suppose to meet my dear at some place like coronation or something like that.. Was with my mother, father and sis. We were in the car driving my sis home. Told my mom to drop me off at the place I'm going to meet dear but she just kept asking me questions and forgotten to drop me. I was so angry coz I'm already late that I begin thrashing around and stomping my feet, demanding her to make a u-turn coz she forgotten. Kept complaining that I'm already late! At that time, I remembered the car is passing through some underground tunnel near the junction at Adam Hawker Centre. She didn't bother. When we reached home (somehow we moved to somewhere in Boon Lay), I rushed out to get a cab but everyone was there. It seem like a morning when everyone were going to work in cabs! Apparently, my mother and father were there flagging for a cab with me!? I started walking further and told my mother to follow. Similarly, she doesn't care. Then, I saw a lorry taxi. The lorry taxi had no doors! A man was driving, beside him is a girl dressed in a zebra-prints top, purple tights and curly brown hair. She had her feet on the dashboard and was slouching playing a PSP. Behind, there is a boy. They modified the space between the driver seat and the back where they can put a table. There are plates at the side and a huge mountain of rice. At the back are 3 rows of sofas. The man saw that I was flagging for taxi & stopped. I looked at the lorry taxi and doesn't dare to board. & then, I woke up realizing I had overslept!

Cha Cha

2010-01-18T20:24:00.003+08:00

Went for the 1st Latin lesson yesterday.. I was nice walking into a dance studio after the holidays.. I'm amazed that my feet still feel the familiarity of the latin shoes! It feels so nice~ Our dance teacher is a RUSSIAN who speaks with a russian accent and sometimes we cannot figure out what he is trying to say.. It is damn hilarious! Poor Melissa who is from KOREA!! woohoo~

Cha Cha routine (for my friend who is so brave to go dance with me)
4 basic
4 new york
4 spot turn
3 forward cha cha
1 check
3 back cha cha
1 round-a-bout (2 sets of cha cha)
1 under arm

Did a little rumba walk up & down the studio.. Learnt the russian way of ending a class with a little bow & curtsey.. So lady-like not me.. wahahaha.. Practice on after class end for almost 2hrs... I'm finally getting my dancing life back... Feet blisters, calf pain, hips sore, back sour.. The woes of a dancer.. Anticipating for next week's lesson to come FAST!

Sorry for forgetting the time & caused you to panic..

But thank you for waiting for me so patiently and wasn't even slightly annoyed at me..

Dunno where to find someone like you anywhere else anymore..

You are my rare, priceless & precious Laogong! <3

6 INTENSIVE weeks

2010-01-05T20:00:00.003+08:00

Ladies, start your engine!

Nightmare has started again & will continue on for the next 6 weeks...
Hang on everyone! We're all in this together.. We will survive like we had done before...

My dear shall be my main motivation to complete my work on time so i can spend time with him.. =) Love you.

4th day in Vietnam

2009-12-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

Same as yesterday, we will only visit 1 place today which is some pagoda in some mountains. Which means we have to either climb slopes or climb steps. Is another few hours bus journey to the place! Haiz.. Go overseas to sit bus again. Luckily cable cars option was available for us to go up the hill. Sampan ride for 1 hr before we reached the mountain. I feel for the girl rowing us although we 4 girls are not as heavy compared tot the rest of the sampans, but she is not exactly that strong like all the old ah mas who have probably be rowing for ages. Upon arriving at the mountain, we still need to climb 120 steps up & 120 down from the destination which is also some cave in a mountain with alters for different Buddha. Descend from the mountain & we had our usual lunch. After lunch, take the same 1hr sampan ride back before the same bus journey again!

3rd day in Vietnam

2009-12-24T22:17:00.000+08:00

Beef noodle for breakfast! Today is a 3hr bus ride & a 4 hr boat ride with seafood for lunch. Went to Hai Long bay. The scenery is very beautiful but somewhat like China. people were living on the water. literally ON it. Not with stilts but modern technology on styrofoam! Had seafood on sea. We were asked to buy some fresh seafood. The fish are all so huge. Nothing like those at Unique Restaurant in Singapore. After we bought the seafood – 2 fish, 1 bag of clam, 1 bag of prawns & a bag of sotong, we went back to the boat to have our seafood lunch. Some of us felt cheated coz the pre-determined menu for us have all the items we bought. It is really a waste of food! But the bought items are really fresh & sweet. However, everything comes with a price. I’d rather go back to Unique there to have my seafood. The seafood might not be as big but at least they are much cheaper. After lunch, we went to some cave in the mountain. The cave feels quite warm when it should actually be cooling. There imaginations run wild. Stones can look like all sorts of things from faces to dragons to non-living things. We had a fun time coming up with all sorts of weird things. After walking through the cave, we went back to a 3hr bus journey to Hanoi city & have dinner.

The hotel organized a Christmas party for all of us with a cake & different sorts of tidbits. Of course, alcohols are included. Techno music were played which I hate so much. After 3 glasses of red wine, I can’t take the music & went back to the room.

2nd day in Vietnam

2009-12-23T21:45:00.004+08:00

Woke up super early today without alarm clock still! So proud of myself... Even prouder: I'm the 1st to wake up, shower & get ready to go out... Actually I just want to use the intenet... LOL..

Breakfast at 7:30am was the usual continential breakfast: 3 slices of toast, salad, bacon or FATS & 2 fried eggs dripping with oil plus e bittest black coffee I've ever drunk. Plain yuck! The place for breakfast only had 3 tables obviously not big enough to accommodate 15 pax at a time. I feel for the service staffs.. They had to rush to prepare our meals & even accommodate special requests to be fast. They are already very fast can't people just wait a few more mins?

A bus came to pick us up near a bigger stretch of road outside.
1st stop - Ho Chin Minh mausoleum, his palace' & his house' There were many many soldiers outside the mausoleum. We were led through the airport kind of thing which scan for water & electronic items. So strict! We were lined up 2 by 2 & there were no loud talking allowed (like pri sch sia). Ho Chin Minh was a wax figure sleeping. He looks so real like he is really resting & will wake up anytime. 4 soldiers were 'guarding his body'. 2 at his side & 2 at the foot. There ccan't move for hours on end but i think to them, it is an honor to be able to stand at his body. All of them look so grand from the out side & they are all painted in dark yellow; a darker shade of gold.

Temple of Literature
It is quite small-scaled than the one i imagined it to be. As usual, tortoises were present. There were huge slabs of stone with carvings on them placed on the shells of tortoises. Confucious is there as well. We even saw wedding couples taking wedding photos there! The brides were so sweet looking but their grooms look normal. Never thought that places like that would be used as photo shoots for wedding photos.

Lunch @ Hoasua Restaurant for the disadvantaged kids
Dishes were just nice for our group. Not too much so all of them were eaten. The iced coffee is really not too bad.

Horse cart @ Hoong Ning Provience
We sat on horse draw cart to go through local village and look at how the locals live and survive. We even saw people cleaning field mices and de-skinning them. It might be a delicacy there. You never know.. I learnt from a documentary that they taste like chicken. You never know if the chicken on your table is actually field mice! -yuck!-

Trishaw ride through the ever dusty roads of Hanoi. I think the ride had increased my chances of contracting some lung cancer or asthma of stuff like that.

Vietnam

2009-12-22T11:57:00.000+08:00

Touched down yesterday night @ local time 8:20pm. Singapore is faster by 1 hour. Not much difference actually. Just that maybe the day starts later and e night ends later only.

I think the people here are also like Cina people who kept shoving & pushing & who have no idea how to use the word 'excuse me'. As usual, the queue at the immigration checkpoint before collecting our luggage is nothing like Singapore. The queues are as long as Mississippi river. J2 luggage handle broke & we can claim! haha.. A new experience.

On the way from the airport to our back alley hotel, the place is exactly like China, e more rural part of China. There are no road/street lights & no road markings. They even set up a stage right at the center of a huge junction!! 0.O Majority of the people were on motobikes & selling food items off the back of it as well. There were people selling cigrettes by the dozens at the side of the road. Vehicles were horning at one another which u seldom hear even hear a horn sounded in Singapore. This is a totally different culture from the one we were brought up in.

We were led to a back alley, walking through vendors selling BBQ sausages, cuttlefish & arrived at our Splendid Star Hotel. Next to it construction was being carried out. The initial impression of the place wasn’t very nice. Looking at the building, most of us were wondering how on earth this small hotel can accommodate 31 pax. Thoughts aside, we were very hungry after all the air & land traveling, dump our luggage and went to a nearby restaurant – La Place. My sis & I ordered a bowl of beef noodle, mango chicken, minestrone soup, fried fish & a cup of hot chocolate. Sadly, we were too slow & the group that was sitting upstairs ordered 10 bowls first which caused the beef to run OUT OF STOCK!! Just 10 more bowls & they have no more beef. So, the rest of us who were sitting downstairs does not have anymore beef noodle.. =( Mahjong kind of paper were used as table cloth. But it occupies us while we wait for the food to be served. It was fun drawing rubbish & ‘vandalizing’ the table. Noodle was first to be served. I was so lucky! I got beef when my order was changed to chicken. The soup was awesome! Actually everything was fantastic. Love the beef noodle especially. I am bias towards beef.. =x

After dinner, went back, checked in & was amazed at the size of the room. It was just unbelievable! Photos on FB will say more. Can you imagine that there is even a desktop in every room with FREE internet connection! FREE!! Wahahahaha.. The bed is BIG & so comfortable. I can just lie in it the whole day… This is just pure luxury!

Girlfriend & Sarah, thanks for messaging Kelvin. But that pig slept so early.. -.-

Dear, I have been missing you e whole day. On the plane, in the bus, even now when I’m talking to u. ilu. Can’t wait to be back in your arms.

1 month

2009-11-26T10:10:00.004+08:00

It had been 1 month since my last entry... It had been a rollercoaster ride for me.. Not only was Dear having his exams, I've been caught in a circle again... Finally, put my foot down on his 21st birthday & for the very first time, suggested to leave... Both were crushed but what can I do? It had been an even greater impact on him.. Imagining breaking up on your 21st! All along, he didn't really care about how I truly felt so why should I? I may be cruel and everything bad... But, I really couldn't take it anymore... 长痛不如短痛. In the end, my heart soften.. He promised me he will changed after he conquered his 4 core papers. Agreed to wait for another month.. Now, he might be better but i'm very sure he can be even better..

Was extremely upset & disappointed on Tue night. But, it was all my fault. I shouldn't force him to meet me on Wed when his dad hurt his back & he had to help him for the next 2 days.. I might be looking forward to going out with him, having him all to myself for the whole day... But, that is his dad which would also be mine in years to come.. How can I be so selfish & not respect & honor his parents?!! What was I thinking? But thank goodness for sistars like 小白who talked to me & let me see clearer on what I should be doing..

Since you have finished your exams, it is now time for you to accommodate me. Don't ask me to do things I don't wish to. Do your part as a boyfriend. You might have already take me as your laopo but i am still your girlfriend. Treat me like one. We are NOT married & I can leave anytime. Even if I'm married to you, I can still file for a divorce although leaving would be the worst scenario. But dear, it is still possible.

Please talk to your mother, get her to understand & realize even if it is the hardest thing on earth.

Happy: I've picked up dance again! Was so happy when I get to be able to get back on the dance floor. Met many wonderful people at class esp. Clarence, Ling Chee, Charmaine, Tim...

Sad: I haven't been talking to my Girlfriend for ages.. Feels like something is missing from my life.. Girlfriend, what can I do before you would talk to me again? I know you have been extremely busy with your preschool's concert & your research.. Please talk to me & let me help you.. I will do my best to not disappoint you again... Please don't give up & let go of our relationship...

mixed up

2009-10-21T22:09:00.002+08:00

It is nearing half a year and things have always been hot between us but am i being too overbearing? Do i demand too much, too soon? I've been stressing him lately about things knowing damn well his exams are coming.. When I'm around, i'm i wasting his time? I know i need quality time but have my quality time became quantity time without me realizing it? Dear, what should i do to help you? I dun wan to become a burden to you.. I'd rather surpress myself and go crazy waiting for you than disturb you and take up your time when you have other more pressing issues.. What do you think i should do?
I know that he is trying very hard to change & to listen to what i say.. I will be patient with him and slowly guide him to be a better person.. But sometimes it is so difficult... How do i pull the relationship from the bottom of a pit and improve it? As what you said, 比登天还难. But I'm willing to take up this time, energy, health-consuming feat and stake whatever impression she has of me, however bad the outcome might be to improve things for you..
Sometimes i really wonder do I have to be a broken recorder and keep repeating to remind you about things.. I might be the most patient person but i do have a limit to it as well.. I don't mind saying things a thousand and one times and be angry/ disappointed for a thousand times but everytime i said it, please at least, take it as doing me a favour, and have the tiniest bit of change. coz i believe however small change it might be for the last thousand times, at the thousand and one time, it will accumulate to become a big change.. Dear, I'm willing to wait for you..
Tell me what i should do but please never to tell me to leave you.. I can't bear the emptiness of not having you in my life..

='(

2009-10-15T09:03:00.002+08:00

What should i do? How should I act? What should I say? Sometimes I don't know how to behave around you anymore.. I have been thinking about these questions since weeks ago. Hoping things will not worsen and I would never need to come to this last resort which I know you don't like..

Once you asked how come I stopped writing here, well coz whenever I do, you'll comment and say that you want to hear it from me and not find things out from a secondary source.. My dear, I write coz i need to vent and you are always busy with some things of yours.. I probably will never understand coz I know that when I truly love someone, I will willingly scarifice for the person. Just based on 'I want you to accompany me the whole day', I will push everything that I have and make time for you even if I have none. I know you need time for yourself just as I need time for myself too.. But, for wanting to see you, always be beside you, you 'blame' me for being too sticky with you and asked me please not to always stick to you. Fine. I won't. I'll arrange my things and if you have time, you can join me.. If not, we'll just do our own things and slowly separate.. Are you happy now?

Do you know I was very happy when you agreed to wait for me after I asked? But in the end, you said the wait was very long. My dear, everytime you have training or project meeting or events, I've been waiting for you to end. Each minimum wait time is at least 2 hours. I have never once complain. I shouldn't compare so, maybe I shouldn't ask you to do anything for me anymore.. I've been going around the same thing over and over again.. Telling you, breaking down in front of you which i hate to.. Hoping that one day you might realize. Maybe I should stop wishing and hoping and pining any dreams on you so that I will not get disappointed and hurt so often.

Initially I thought maybe I fianlly found someone who really loves me more than I love him but apparently I might be wrong.. I might still be stuck in my fairytale world and is hoping for a prince charming to sweep me off my feet. But which girl do not wish for that to happen? Is the knight in shining armor I found turning out to be a loser in aluminium foil? I know there is no way to measure love and to decide who is giving more. But, I believe in any relationship, there should be a balance.. You claimed to love me with all you have and would not force me to do anything I don't want to, but my dear, I hope you know that actions speak louder than words..

Dear, I don't know if you realized, but my schedule have already revolved around yours. I can change my plans to accommodate yours but will you? You asked to change my birthday dinner to another day so that you can go for your training session, I was disappointed but you still got what you asked for. The 'excuse' I gave my mom was because my sis will be having her exams soon and I want her to enjoy the dinner as well. But, the deciding factor was you. All along, it had always been you. My dearest girlfriend had already accused me of being 重色亲友. Although she didn't say, but I predicted if I go on like this, I'll lose her sooner or later. This is not something you don't know..

Please just tell me what you want me to do? If you want, I will go wherever you want to go but please don't lead me around in circles.

1379914

2009-09-13T20:42:00.002+08:00

Assignments are catching up, disappointments are also getting more.. I should seriously stop thinking about myself.. Know the real meaning of giving for the sole purpose of benefiting the other.. I want too much & I am asking for too much.. Had been on a rollercoaster ride these past few days.. I need to de-clutter my life & unfortunately, I am probably going to start with you.. I love being with you, I love the times being with you.. But I just can't seem to get enough of you.. I should probably start preventing myself from being too close to you so that I won't take up any more of your already limited time & extremely packed life.. It is a case of meeting the right person at the wrong time all over again.. To prevent excessive water loss through my eyes, I will hardened myself, tell myself that I will be fine without you around.. I will transit out of this constant disappointment and conflict of interest.. I hate it when you find excuses for yourself.. Just tell me when you refuses, I will got angry, I will be disappointed, I will go crazy to you but at least I get to hear the truth and not your thousand and one 'excuses'..
I strongly believe if you care enough, no matter what, you will get all your things done and be able to arrange your day so that you will have spare time everyday..

Time?

2009-08-27T01:13:00.003+08:00

Have decided not to call you as and when anymore. I will continue to do my things & not care as much. The lesser I care, the lesser I will be disappointed & the feeling I felt would not be as impactful. Hopefully, I can save my tears & heart for other things/ people who deserve them more. I can channel my energy and hopes and wishes and dreams and strength to other things which are happening in my life since there are some people do not deserve all of them.

Well, I am tired of hearing what you will do the next time round. I am sick of hearing 'I've got no time'. Since you have got no time, I will graciously step down and serve you back all the time I've snatched and demanded from you. My dear, I'm tired of chasing you. I can't catch up with your pace anymore. Did I took a wrong turn back then? Did I missed out on a clue? As far as I'm concerned, we are starting to go down different path..

You know that I need time from you. Since you are not able to give what I need, I will go look for it from other sources..

I always feel so moody everything the call ends

Make a Decision

2009-08-21T01:27:00.001+08:00

What does sacrificing means? I need quality time from you but do you have any to give me? I need to be kept in the loop of things that are happening to you but do you tell? I need to be pampered once in a while but are you willing to spend? I need to be taken care of sometimes, to feel like a female but are you gentleman enough? Do you take the time to find out and understand what I need, want and feel?
Giving me just the 4 hours from your weekend during lunch breaks in between working hours while we do our assignments is not quality time. It is just 2 people sitting side-by-side, concentrating on their own things.. The only thing that fills their head is 'what does this thing on my notes, in my textbook, on my assignment mean?' Have you seen people studying at Macs? Do you feel any connection between them? From my point of view, they are just connected physically, that's all. Nothing. No communication, no attention, no quality aspect flows between them.. yes, they had spent the last 6 hours with each other, no doubt about that. But so what? Getting to know someone does not equates the length of time I've know her but rather how well & how deeply I know about her. It is when the kind of connection & relationship had been formed, both parties can walk away feeling that it was the best conversation they ever had, when in fact not a word had been spoken. Ever wonder why best friends need only to look at each other to have a conversation? Ever wonder why one glance was all it needs to say everything?
It is not the quantity but the quality! Do you even understand this?
I want time whereby we are not doing anything else but paying attention to each other, I need to spend time with you without any distractions from our lives. Promising me this, promising me that doesn't work anymore. You have a thousand & one thing happening now in your life.. School, being an instructor, trying new jobs, taking up responsibilities, balancing family matters, squeezing out time for your favourite place & pastime. But in all the things that are occurring, where am I? Am I even fit to be the last thing on your mind? Am I even in your heart? Well, my dear, I love you too.. I'll say it everyday if you want. Anytime you want to hear it. No problem at all! These 3 words are already overused & under-expressed by you. They have already lost their meaning and sincerity. Saying & actually putting your heart into carrying what you said you would are on 2 extreme end of the spectrum. As I've said before, words come from the mind, actions come from the heart. I will do this, this & this. But I've done nothing. Well, news flash!! 'Action [realy does] speaks louder than words!'
Asking me to wait 1 whole year for you is not a problem at all. In fact, I can wait for you all my life! During the year, I'll just go about my life, doing everything I can for you. Scarificing time to go look for you, pushing my things aside to help you, doing my best to adhere to your requests. Plainly speaking, being your puppet. The only thing you would probably do is to use all the time in the world to build up your impressive portfolio. In the end when the time comes, i'll just walk away coz I am not important to you anymore. As for me, I'll look upon the past year as spending a little of my time to know the person underneath, how much you cherish relationships such as ours.
To tell the truth, I've almost given up any hopes I had left for you when I hung up the very last time. You can have me as a person, an empty shell with no heart and soul. Win my heart back & do everything you can to keep it with you, if you still want it. Meanwhile, as much as I want to be with you for eternity, I'll just prepare myself for the heart-shattering fall in order to leave. I've laid out my cards in front of you, it is now up to you to decide if you want to turn them around.

confused

2009-08-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

Am I just demanding too much when there is so little to give? I want to know that you still care enough. More than just plainly words. Show me through the things you do, not the words you say.. Tell me straight when you don't have time for me, don't keep me waiting for a call or a sms that never comes. I am always be waiting for you, but one fine day, i might be done waiting and you won't find me around anymore.
With all the things happening in your life now, will you still have time for me?

Words come from the mind, but actions come from the heart.

<3

2009-08-17T23:30:00.003+08:00

I wanna say a big THANK YOU for everything. Thanks for standing by me. I’m sorry to have caused you worry, sorry for the times I’ve not been a good friend. Thanks for being so understanding, loving, concerned, and everything that you've done for me. I’m so glad that you've found someone who loves you as much as I do, if not even more. I know he'll take good care of you (if he doesn't i'll chop him up, stuff him into blender, blend him into bits, and make 人肉叉烧包 out of him!!) To tell the truth, the scars I have were caused by some stuff that shouldn’t have been done. But sometimes, physical pain really does help to ease some emotional pain. It wasn’t just because of him though. I don’t know what I was thinking, but there was really too much stuff going on in my head that I couldn’t bear it.
I know I shouldn’t be thinking of him anymore, but sometimes I just can’t help it. But I’m slowly trying not to anymore, I think. If it wasn’t for you, and mummy’s pep talks, constant concern and all your love, I think I probably would have totally broken down. That’s why I didn’t meet you that Wednesday night, I wouldn’t have been fit to be seen in public. I really thank you for everything.
I’m not someone who knows how to show love, but do know that I love you, and am thankful for our friendship. My life wouldn’t have been the same without you. Thanks for being my girlfriend!!

This is only 10%.. if is 100%, i think i'll break down le...
Girlfriend, i love you.

8 days left

2009-07-17T12:09:00.003+08:00

It is nearing the end of my Summer Immersion in Boston. I will be going home to Singapore very soon. Part of me wants to go back to the life I left behind, part of me wants to stay here in Boston to create a new life. Today is the first time I didn't go for class. I was very tired, even Yixuan too! Hence, we slept till 8am, went down for breakfast & came back up at 9.15am to sleep. We slept till around 12noon! Another 2hrs plus worth of sleep.
On Friday, went to watch Blue Man after school with some of the girls. It is definietly worth it. If they ever go to Singapore for performance, I will want to go & watch them again! I went crazy with Sarah. We played, laughed & had plenty of fun on the way home.
On Saturday, I finally got to see a humpback whale within 5m. After seeing a whale, i went to the Aquarium. It is not as fantastic as I imagined it to be. Such disappointment. I believe Singapore's underwater world is so much better than the one here in Boston.
On Sunday, I went back to Museum of Science to finish exploring the exhibits & take photos. The place is so BIG!! When I go back home, i want to go Science Centre. It has been ages since I last stepped into that place. Next is Skywalk. The bird's eye view of the city from the 52th floor is simply amazing. The best part of the whole experience is that I get to see the sunset right in front of me! Evidently, I took plenty of photos of it.
Timetable for upcoming week:
17/7: Children's Museum, Legal Seafood & Stargazing
18/7: Salem Witch Museum
19/7: Cape Cod
20/7: New England Book Fair
21/7: Tour of Fenway Park, Tea Plantation @ Plymonth (Pocahontas), Dinner at Dr Harris-Sharples
22/7: Final packing of luggage by 9pm to get ready to weigh (prays each of them is below 23kg), get ribbon from Elaine, put clothes for Salvation Army at one side, SLEEP!!!
23/7: Leave for airport at 5am. 'Long gan' sirport -> Chicago -> Singapore. SLEEP!!!
24/7: Touchdown in Singapore at 11pm.

Sadly, Kelvin is having a faculty camp till 25th. Won't be able to see him till he is done with the camp. =( I've been missin him alot.

Boston, I'll miss you toooooo

Rain

2009-07-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

Was caught in the rain. Walked all the way from school to WFT. Soaked. Luckily my Wheelock sweatshirt is thick enough that i didn't really get too wet. After I peel the sweatshirt from me, i feel quite dry. Have to sleep early tonight already. Pray that I won't get sick.
Felt unwanted in the class. The teachers didn't even acknowledge us when we step into the class. Are we invisible? Today, the children were doing a play on "Swimmy" by Eric Carle. I have an affection for that book as my poly girls & I did our own BIG book based on Swimmy in Philip's class. The teachers were not enthu at all!! They are quite mono-tone to an extent. But i believe the children were enjoying themselves very much. The age group is 5-7 but the play worked for all children in class. The teacher seem to have plenty of experiences in theatre. She very quickly know where she wants the children to be & knows exactly the path to take and everything that makes up a play.
I believe drama really reaches out to all children and it uses all aspects of Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences. During John's class, i was thinking, maybe i should go into drama for young children since i hate teaching in a classroom kind of classroom. Probably go into something to do with moving around, being 'crazy', have loads of fun, do something meaningful for the society in general & at the same time to have a positive impact on the lives of young children in terms of development & learning. Dance is an aspect i can explore further into..
I might be going to Museum of Fine Arts after school today. When i told her, i can tell that she is not very happy. Haiz. I dun wan to wait anymore. Coz i have no idea when they will start moving.

Kelvin is back from his camp. But he doesn't want to go to sleep.

Still come online. -.-

Another weekend had passed

2009-07-07T12:27:00.002+08:00

Sat was 4th July! America's Independence Day.. A group of us went out early in the day and took the Freedom Trail. It was quite informative. Just that the group is too big. Unless you follow closely behind the 'guide', you won't be able to keep up & hear everything he has to say. After the 90mins walk, we ended up at Quincy Market. What a place to stop! Settle lunch ourselves, shop around a little & met some of the other girls. All of us went to board e train to Copley where the Esplanade is. It is such a nice day to be out. The sun is up, the sky is clear, the temperature is just right. We showed our Singaporean mentality by bringing food & water & garage bags to sit on. On the way, you would see people wearing red, white or blue. Either 1 colour or a mixture of it. Reached the Esplanade. It is full of people! Everyone is out in the sun, soaking it up. They love the sun!! Photos evidences can be found on FB. The fireworks is just amazing. A full 20mins! Simply love it! You can feel the patrotic-ness of the country. I think Singapore should have this kind of National Day celebration. People can 'camp' on a huge lawn. Not only people we paid for the best seats get to enjoy the performance, but the people outside too. The song is stuck in my head.. 'Sweet Caroline~'. After the fireworks ended, we walked back to the dorm. Passed about 3 T stations? But, it was really memorable esp with the kind of company I had.
It is time to shop on 5th July. CHIONG!!!~~~ Bought alot of things... Use your creative imagination..

First day of school.
Turned out fine. We even had a change to use Crayola modeling clay.
Time for me to go to ma!!

WFT & SPE 341

2009-07-03T07:02:00.004+08:00

This morning, we went for the Wheelock Family Theatre lesson. It was fun imagining & visualizing the different settings we are in and moving without sound. There was an instant where the stage looks very beautiful. The different angles, levels, emotions. Today is also the first time i raised my hand to answer a question. Seeing the nods of approvals & acknowledgment made me feel good about myself. John even extended on my answer to talk about mime saying it is through observing others' actions & behaviours tt we learn how to interpret emotions. I love going for his lesson as he really does not pick on anyone and allow us to do watever we want as long as we do not disrupt the class. There is plenty of room for self expressions and freedom to move about.

Today is the last lesson of Nancy's class. So sad... As usual, we took a group photo but this time, the background is a huge banner of the crest of WHEELOCK COLLEGE. & so coincidentally, i'm wearing the navy blue wheelock pullover that i bought from coop the day before! I believe alot of us like Nancy as she understands us. Not only knowing how to phrase her sentences to get to us during lectures but she also shows the 'human' side of her. Showing us wat she love (招财猫), letting us know her fav food: curry puffs & durains. When she goes to Singapore in October, we shall give her some kueh lapis (courtesy of Chef Sarah Yu) to try. I'm sure the class will miss her.

Tml, i will have resume-building with the interns & after that, it is a talk by a person from the Museum of Science to talk about how to include science into the classroom. Then, a few of us will be off to Lechmere to the Museum of Science & Cambridgeside to shop!!

Dear, pls stop working so hard. So worried about you falling sick.

Hold on, Boston

2009-07-01T21:31:00.000+08:00

We got on the plane,
Filled with hopes and dreams.
We put our hands together,
And worked as a team.
We were going to make this good,
That we knew for sure.
Even with problems at the airport,
We were there for each other.

Here we are Boston,
It’s the best thing that ever happened.
Our horizons are broadened,
Our friendship is strengthened.
Here we are Boston,
Breathing the cold chilly air
Walking the path in the park,
Without a single care.

We heard cash tills ringing,
More often than before.
We made friends with Bostonians,
Not a single day where we were bored.
We’ve walked more than we expected,
In just a single week we’ve been here.
Yet our journey is the same,
We’ve set out without fear.

Here we are at Boston,
It’s the best thing that ever happened,
Dunking Doughnuts and Shaw’s
Are places that we frequent.
Here we are at Boston,
Breathing the cold, chilly air.
Learning to take the ‘T’,
Getting from here to there.

Here we are at Boston,
Immersing ourselves in fun.
But hold on Boston,
This journey has only just begun.

Written by Shron, 2009

Tuesday

2009-07-01T11:08:00.004+08:00

Submitted 2 assignments yesterday. Some of the girls were up doing it till the wee hours.
We had a feedback session with the Wheelock faculty & Joan in the afternoon. Some comments & suggestions were just off the top of the head, without thinking through.. Others were more constructive & i think they would really improve the quality of this program. A group of us went to look for the faculty members personally as we felt that we have some feedbacks that we are not comfortable in speaking out in front of the whole cohort. We were quite nervous at first as we were not sure what to say, thinking in our heads how would the faculty members think... But after awhile, i think we were more calmed and did managed to give as much feedbacks and suggestions as we could at that point in time... I believe they are very keen in hearing what we have to say and i believe they would do their best to accommodate to our needs and suggestions for the future cohorts.
Class ended 30mins earlier today. Decided to go back to the dorm to start on assignment 3 (the last assignment we have of the special needs module on this immersion program) but not the last assignment of the module & definitely not the last assignment we have on this trip. Keeping in mind the next module hasn't started yet.. =(
Finally remembered to borrow the weighing scale from Geri. My teeny weeny is already 15kg! But i still can put another 2-3kg in.. which means: MORE SHOPPING!!! I still want to buy shoes.. My mom will definitely kill me when i go home... But, what will come, will come. so, heck! oops... prays that my mom dun so IT savvy to even access the site & read my blog.. -crosses fingers-

Dear, I'm really worried about you. You have school to go to, exams to study, technical terms to memorize, weekend swim instructor and even managed to squeeze in time to work 16hrs every alternate weekday. I really salute you! If it is for our future, i promise i will try to spend less.. Just don't tire yourself out & fall sick.. No one to cook plain and tasteless porridge for you. Kelvin, as much as i love you, i really dun wan to leave Boston.. How?? Can you get a job here, fly over & stay here with me? Pretty please...

2nd weekend

2009-06-29T09:18:00.001+08:00

Another 2 days of shopping & spent alot of money. And i really mean ALOT! I'm sure my parents will faint when they know about the amount that I am capable of spending in 1 day. Bought plenty of things over these 2 days but e 1 thing i love is my ankle boots from Steve Madden!! It is simply <3 <3. Don't worry dear. I still love u.. The pair of ankle boots is very expenisve but compared to back home, I can never get the same pair of ankle boots from the same brand at the same price..

Packing luggage....

Managed to pack everything into my teeny weeny (Elaine Chan, 2009). hha.. Left 1 shoebox worth of things.. Have to use 1 of the 2 extra bags I brought. Which means i can buy even more things already! so goood!! Spend so much already lor.. Luckily it is difficult for me to find shoes here. So far i only bought 4 pairs of footwear for myself. 1 ankle boots, 2 pumps & 1 slippers.
Let me try to list out the things that are in my luggage:
5 bottles of VS perfume
7 bottles of shower gel 4 bottles of body mist
1 Vera Wang Princess lotion
1 Vera Wang miniature Princess perfume
1 50ml Vera Wang Princess perfume
(the above 3 are in a box)
1 sephora mascara
1 sephora liquid eyeliner
2 sephora by OPI nail polish
2 sally hansen nail polish
1 shoelace
10 panties
1 wheelock pullover
1 maxi dress
3 pairs of shorts
5 shirt
2 polo tee
1 set of bikini (top & bottom)
1 bikini bottom
4 pairs of slippers
1 pair of ankle boots (shoe box included)
1 pair of pumps (shoe box included)
2 list pads
1 sticker pad
1 set of Crayola colour pencils
Quite a number of paper bags from the different shops

In my 1 shoebox worth of things:
3 sets of 3 post-it note pads
2 bottles of VS perfume
1 set of 5 mini Xeno pens
1 pair of pumps (shoe box included)
Ma & Pa, this list will definitely lengthen. Pls prepare yourself.. hahah

It is back to school on Monday again.... Time to study = no shopping. =(

Dear, thank you for working so hard for us but just don't fall sick. Ever since I arrived in Boston, i've been keeping you busy worrying about me. I'm alright de. I know you have been missing me very much but it is only 1 more month to go before I have to go home to an all-year-round-summer country (which i really dun wan to..) Be strong my dear Kelvin.. It will pass very quickly.. I believe I 'irritated' you as I had a change of plans (went out much earlier) but did not let you know.. I understand how much it hurts to be wondering where i am & waiting for that 1 reply as the second drags by. Kelvin, i never once regretted agreeing to be your girlfriend and promised to be with you always. Dear laogong Kelvin, i love you. -muackz-

last day of class

2009-06-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

Had a talk by guest speaker Dr. Paul Thayer on the topic "Helping Children Cope with Grief & Loss". While listening to him, i thought about my maternal grandfather. Tears welled up but didn't fall. Missed him very much. The thing i took away from his talk is "Death is a universal experience.". This made me realized that i'm not the only one experiencing grief & loss of people who are close to me but others too. coz we tend to be very self-centered when grief and loss hits us & view our problems as more important and much worser than others. although it is a fact, no one wants to admit it out loud. Sooner or later, we will experience it for ourselves. We just have to 'wait for our turn'.
Nancy's class ended early today. Had plenty of time to finish up assingment 1. & will do assignment 2 tml morning before goin out in the afternoon. SHOPPING time again!! =D

Fire Drill; Sunshine!!; President

2009-06-25T19:31:00.006+08:00

The day started off with a REAL fire drill during breakfast. A pipe burst! while we were happily eating and chatting away. Some of the girls were affected by the burst pipe. The water was greyish & I can smell gas. So, probably not only the water pipe burst but also the pipes on either side too. Everyone evacuated quite orderly despite majority if not all of us experiencing a real fire drill the first time. Had our first visit into the Wheelock Family Theatre. The stage was amazing. Although it is grand, there is a cozyness in the theatre. Had quite alot of fun doing the things in the theatre. It is all about movement. It occur to me that I might be more suited in a place like that coz i can't stay still for long. The day ended with a tea reception at the college's president Jackie's house. Her house was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. Of course plenty of photos were taken with everyone and everybody.

1-5pm

2009-06-24T08:50:00.004+08:00

I had sunny side up for breakfast today!! But i dun really like it coz it is too raw for me.. Prefer the egg whites to be all cookedPlanned to do some assignment today morning. Not much progress.. which is very bad.. we are procrastinating!! After lunch, went for class. Had a chance to look at some standardized tests. It was very helpful as I believe most of us does not have much of a chance to have such close contact with them.. I realized that most of them are quite long and that the time length might be too long for children to keep still. The tests were also quite tedious for the test users to carry out.. imagining repeating the same thing, word for word, for 20 times.. by the end of the assessment, the user can memorize it already! Our table always have san zha, which flew all the way from Singapore! Such fortunate san zhas.. hahaha...
Since Kelvin is working, i shall finish my part of the assignment tonight.. Just nice... Dear, keep working... But, dun ever fall sick because of it.. if not, i won't let u work so much anymore...

1st day of sch

2009-06-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

Weather is damn cold and unpredictable.
Assignments are already given.. -.- What a 'gift' to start the 1st day of sch

Last Sun before class

2009-06-22T19:07:00.004+08:00

Breakfast was a little rushed at the beginning as we went down 30mins after it started. But, everyone still had their fill. Saw some of the FOC people at the breakfast area. We stayed till 9.40am before goin back up to our rooms. While waiting for Yixuan (she went to the church at Copley), skyped with Kelvin till about 1pm before going down to meet Sarah & Pearlyn to take the T to Hynes. Went into Prudential Building which is very similar to Paragon except it is the extended version with a bridge to cross over to the next building (also under Prudential Building). Try imagining the brands we saw, the size of the shopping mall & the 'grand-ness' of it. Just a hint: Marble flooring, high ceilings, water fountains.. I think you get the picture..
After Prudential, we boarded the T and alighted at Kenmore station. We wanted to go into the stadium but there is a Red Sox game goin on which will end in 40mins so we have no idea where to go to next. In the end, we decided to take the T back to Fenway which is only 1 stop away. We've got concession! =) Went to UFood get dinner (only me bought food, Yixuan bought yoghurt). Back to Shaw's, bought lots of microwavable food to stock up to prepare for war. (Those who have gone to the supermarket with my mom will know wat i mean by preparing for war). Hahaha...
Walked back to the dorm with all our foods.. I went to bathe, went online while eating dinner. Not long after, i gone to sleep at 9pm! The first time i slept so early & even before Yixuan does!! Which is why i woke up at 5am today and had been online till now..

Photos had been uploaded onto Facebook..
Feel free to tag &/or comment.

What I Bought:

2009-06-21T23:40:00.002+08:00

We have enlarged hashbrown & shrank muffins today!! Another day of shopping!! Time to go..
I dun wan to go back home anymore. Love the weather, love the scenery, love Boston!! Shall stay here to continue my studies.. Anyone care to join??
Will update more when i'm back tonight.. ciao~

VS, A&F, Coach, Outfitter, AE...

2009-06-21T19:48:00.004+08:00

Whole day of shopping! Breakfast had hashbrowns, scrambled egg, turkey patty, hot chocolate & cereal.. After breakfast, we went to Staple den back to dorm. Yixuan, Sarah & I bought the Wheelock pullover. White & pink such sweet colours. now, the 2 of us bu she de wear it coz it is so pretty.. Met Geri and Marlena to go to Coop which is near Longwood Galleria. The basement is filled with Harvard things ranging from pins to lab coats. all sorts of things you can find. Got stuck at the cards section for very long. looking at all the stupid & funny cards.. After Coop, we went our different ways. On the way to Quincy Market, plenty of photos were taken. Skies, buildings, plants, people, signs etc. Took the T from Longwood, all the way to Government Square. Shopping spree starts!! There is A&F, Coach, Gap, AE, Outfitter, etc. Went into Abercrombie & Fitch bought 3 items (1 shirt, 2 shorts). Into Victoria's Secret bought 11 items (6 intimates, 2 body mist, 2 bath and shower cream, 1 eau de toilette spray). To 1 of the pushcarts bought 1 item (Boston Jacket!!!) Dinner was Boston Clam Chowder! Oishi!! Shall have it for dinner again tonight. We did our laundry & waited for it to dry too. The laundry room was so warm. No wonder pple like to stay inside to talk (or maybe it is only me =x haha..) After laundry was done, continue talking to Kelvin till 2am. I was sleep-talking at that time le.. Funny things started comin out of me.. it was damn funny!! Ended the conversation and went out to the 'lounge' to continue talking to Evon, Crystal & Girlfriend. Found out some things that Crystal do at night. OMG! hahaha. All of us went back to the room at 3am. Oops..
More shopping tml! <3

The T

2009-06-20T04:41:00.002+08:00

Went sightseeing around taking The T aka MRT (in Singapore). Headed over Muddy River Park which is situated right behind the college & guess what? We saw D-U-C-K-S!! Not 1 but a gaggle of them. A mama duck with about 5-6 baby ducklings. Photos time~ (For those who have no idea why the highlight on them, ask me). Crossed the park and boarded The T. We were all given a 'concession' ticket where we only need to show it to the train driver. That ticket allows us to use The T as many times as we want per day, per week. Similar to our bus concession. We alighted & went to Quincy Market. It is a place for SHOPPING!! Saw people basking on the streets, shops with SALE on. A&F, Gap, Nine West, Build-a-bear workshop, Coach, etc you name it, they have it. But, there is 1 shop which I'm sure my Kelvin will love. A shop filled with candies & chocolates!! I can so see his face light up. hahah. Typical 3 years old.
After sightseeing, went back to the dorm and rested till 4.30pm before heading to Shaw's with Geri & the rest of the girls to get 'groceries' and daily necessities like shampoos etc. Lugged bags back to the dorm and down to meet Geri & some girls before walking to Longwood Galleria for dinner & to CVS/pharmacy to get some supplements. Had chinese food (lo mein + teriyaki chicken + mixed veg + fortune cookie) for dinner shared with my clique.
Going Fenway Park & Quincy Market tml..
Till next time.. Night.

Someone will visit you soon.

-fortune cookie from chinese food

Boston

2009-06-19T14:27:00.002+08:00

Finally touched down after 20 plus hours of flight. Nothing to do on the plane except sleep, eat, watch movie with lousy sound quality and talk.

Reached our dorm at around 10pm. Unpacked, showered, went online for awhile and back to sleep. I'm amazed at the things Yixuan packed for this trip. She can literally open a beauty parlour in the room.

1st night was super cold~ Probably coz we went to open the window thinking it might be cooling. That was when we were so wrong.. But we learnt something... haha. Right now, she is still busy doing her face. I'm really amazed!

Timetable for today:
8-9am: Breakfast
Back to room - online time
10am: Orientation & Introduction
11.30am: Welcome from vice president
Back to room - online time
1pm: lunch break
2pm: shopping & sight-seeing

i miss my mama, papa, j2, j3 & Kelvin..

But, dun wan to go home yet.. hahah

Last day in SG

2009-06-17T09:09:00.004+08:00

It is finally 17th. We will be at the airport in 17 hours! So excited but at the same time, can't bear to leave my family and friends. It will be chaos with 63 girls bidding their families and friends farewell and i'm sure tears will flow for some of us.

On another note, i'm very happy to know a friend like Ms Tey. Even though she doesn't have to 'organize' a dinner just coz i'm flying off, she still did. She asked people to come, find a place to eat and arrange a table for us. Thank you for the dinner tonight. -hugx-

Dear, i can't bear to leave you, without you by my side for 5 weeks. Even though there is still technologies like webcam and skype and msn, whereby we will be able to see each other everyday, nothing beats holding you in my arms and hearing your heart beat next to mine.. I wonder how I will be without seeing you everyday for the next 35 days..

Thank you for listening to my ugly past last night and seeing the pain from the look in your eyes, i know you are in agony from being helpless. I really dun wan to be the cause of that pain in your eyes. But, i've failed everytime i told you about my past. I know you want to know everything about me, but some things about me will cut you very deeply & i dun wan that to happen..

i love you.

2/3

2009-06-11T23:04:00.002+08:00

2nd day of camp!! 0.5 more days to go.... Today is FUN!!!
Today was more fun and interesting than yesterday's sessions.. Started off with a hearty Mac BIG BREAKFAST!!! Walked over to school and listen to a talk by Mr Hui Nee from KK Hospital. The talk on children with special needs was very informative and enriching.. It gives me a very real picture of wat is really going on in the Special Needs field in the local setting. Although we might have all services available but we lack the most important component - a positive social perspective on inclusion.. I vividly remember a sentence he said

"Inclusion is not just about putting a child with special needs physically into a classroom but rather the teacher believing that the child belongs in the classroom and doing things to help him/her to feel at ease and be able to perform on par with other classmates."

After the talk, it was a nice discussion with our assignment groups. At least now we know what is expected. Sometimes I just don't understand the questions Juliet is asking.. 3 questions in 1 question and expect us to answer all 3 questions at once.. I got lost after the 2nd question.. Have to treat us like children.. hahahah.... The talent show was hilarious.. I love the National Day skit!!

Last highlight of the day wasn't in school but rather it our apartments.. We went C-R-A-Z-Y... This is what you get when you put a bunch of girls together in a room.. Photos will be uploaded soon. View at your own risk.. hahahah

Tonight is the last night I will be sleeping in a foreign bed.

Tml, he will specially come down to school just to fetch me home!! Will finally get to see him after 2.5 days... Miss him alot these few days.. Love him so much.. -muackz-

1/3

2009-06-11T00:48:00.006+08:00

In camp now.. One word: Sian!!!

The day started off with briefing by David & Geraldine, addressing questions.. After which, is a 3hrs long 'briefing' on our Parent-Teacher Communication module with time for finding out shoe sizes and if we are "smarter than a 5th grader".. 3 hrs briefing by Geraldine doesn't feel that long.. Next, there is a 'bonding session' hosted by our dear leaders from the different groups.. The known reason is for us to bond but the unknown reasons is to make us run around school and 'embarass' ourselves and fellow schoolmates with requests to find a female with shoe size no. 9 and the guy have chest hairs... One of the things we need to find is to look for a person wearing purple shirt and take a photo with him/her. But he/she have to twist. We found 3 people who refuses to take photo with all of us... So frustrating... At last we found this guy in Makan Place and took a photo with him FINALLY! Den we break for lunch (free & easy).. After lunch, is a short video done by the 1st cohort & a short briefing by Juliet on the other module. Lastly, when we are all half-dead, there is a last movie screening "Pay It Forward".. Why do teachers love to show this movie.. It is a wonderful flim as it shows how huge an impact one individual can make if he/she puts his/her heart and effort into it.. At the end of the day, some of us 'died'. But majority of us are still wandering around.. Like me, online, talking on msn or on the phone.. Just not sleeping..
From the first day, I lost count of the number of times I climbed the overhead bridge from The Loft into Ngee Ann.. I know we need the exercise but they don't have to make us go through it like this!! I feel the camp is a waste of our time when we can use it to finish parts of our many assignments... Too much is expected of us when too little time is given to prepare.. They should organize this camp at the end of May or beginning of June so that we at least have 2 weeks to research and look for the things/information they want us to know before we fly off for Boston.. With only a mere 5 days & half the assignments not done, who would have the time and effort to do any form of additional researching??

Macdonald's Big Breakfast with Ice Milo for breakfast tml! Looking forward...=)

I miss my dear...

Hope his Jap paper was fine this afternoon.. Although he read and forget everything beofre entering the examination hall, I believe he will do well.. Coz my dear is very hardworking and smart! There were short conversations throughout the day but did not get to talk to him tonight as he needs to sleep early to replenish his energy for tml morning's open source paper.. I really pray that Mr Harish would not set a paper to slaughter..

Dear, thanks for being so accommodating and understanding when I know you want me to go back to my room so that I can talk to you without any distractions...

I love you! -muackz-

2009-06-05T10:33:00.000+08:00

Sorry for causing so much hurt and pain for you yesterday... It really cut me to see the hurt in your eyes, seeing you endure such agony simply breaks me... I will do my best to never let you shed another tear of sadness because of me..

只要能跟你在一起，天涯海角我都愿意随你去

2009-06-04T14:14:00.004+08:00

Saw some things which I shouldn't be looking into but found out some things he said.
Utterly disappointed.

Which is the real you?

Who is behind all these facade?

I don't know you anymore...

Mixed emotions

2009-06-04T13:30:00.002+08:00

Had been feeling weird since yesterday night after dinner. What's wrong with me?? PMS-ing? Can't be.. coz i'm one of the few lucky ones who seldom experience it.. So, wat's wrong with me?? Got irritated this morning but i'm fine after awhile. Can someone teach me how to stay angry with someone you love (other than parents and siblings).. I love you, but sometimes you can really get on my nerves... & the unfortunate thing is, I dun have the heart or determination to tell you & cause you to be unhappy or worried.. So, it will either appear here, or I'll simply cannot be bothered..

It is so difficult to have at least 1 bar of battery in your hp?

2009-06-02T22:55:00.002+08:00

Jasmine feels very tired today. Shall go sleep & hopefully I can wake up earlier to do reflections.

Tml is Wheelock's 1st batch of Graduation.

Jasmine shall go to bed. She is forever praying to her laptop.

2009-06-01T14:14:00.002+08:00

Let's see if I can keep my entries consistent..

To my dear P. YiTing,

It has been 13 years since we known each other. It has been a bumpy journey with you but a very happy one. You have the ability to brighten my days with your contagious and loud laughter and can bring out the lighter side of me. You can laugh at anything, anytime and anywhere no matter wat the situation requires. You are a bottomless pit & will look for something to eat once a meal is done. On the whole, i love you my dear and hope we will stay together till death do us part. I love you my dear.. Happy 13 years!! <3

Your lover,
T. Jasmine

2009-05-30T15:57:00.003+08:00

I finally decided to write something after soo long.. He will be so proud of me.. Haha...
It had been a very sweet 1 month that passed. My world officially evolves around this 1 person and only this 1 person can make my world complete. Feel so blessed to have known you. My friends all commented that we progressed very quickly but so what? We didn't know each other for only 1 month plus, we have known each other since god knows when.. It is not fast, it is just us & this all that matters..

Happy 1 month my dear.. Love you lots. <3

2009-05-01T09:34:00.002+08:00

I dreamt of us. When I looked into the mirror, everything seemed so real.
Do people meet in dreams?
Can humans touch feel so real in dreams that when I'm awake it made me so confused?
Can we last?

Irritated by you!!

2009-04-03T12:10:00.003+08:00

She doesn't understand what's with people & time!! What's wrong with reaching earlier? I hate rushing & counting the exact minute I would take to reach a place so I can reach ON THE DOT!! I like taking my time, knowing I won't be late even if I missed the first bus, taking my time to walk to my destination. Reaching the place & still have some time to walk around. Call me typical singaporean for being kiasu. I dun care! I like to have spare time.. What for go rushing around & worrying about being late for things.. Get off my back!

2009-03-17T22:50:00.002+08:00

As usual, Jasmine was thinking too much & reading too much into stuffs.. A very bad thing about her which caused people to avoid her. She was being overly paranoid about things. Luckily, he doesn't blame her and even acknowledged at her 'concern'. Now she is better. She feels understooded by him and is blessed that she found a person like him. She needs reassurance and knowing that the person is fine makes her happy. Letting her know about stuffs that are happening prevents her from thinking too much and worrying unnecessarily. Jasmine is glad to know that he understands how she feels and is fianlly happy again.

2 days only

2009-03-15T22:34:00.003+08:00

Why am I missing you so much?? Didn't talk to you for only 2 days. But these 2 days I kept thinking about you. When I'm in the Zoo, when i'm at the play, when I'm on the train home, when i'm having dinner. Didn't see u for only 1 week! Luckily, you finished your NS years ago. If not, I really dunno what i'll do.. I missed talking to you! I've never blogged so much about a person before.. Argh! I really hate myself for loving you! So afraid for the love to fade before it even begins...

1103092200

2009-03-11T22:24:00.002+08:00

I hate you. Why must you always be controlling me. Tell me about love, about responsibility, about wanting me to be the best I can be. SHUT UP!! From 7 to 20 you are only around for the most 2 days a week. I'm sorry but you have missed out on 14 years of my life so now you dun have any say in it anymore. I hate talking to you coz majority of the time we end up arguing. We just dun see eye to eye, drizzles turn into a full fledged storm, words turn into daggers pointing at each other's throat. Can I even call it my home? Why do I even try to communicate when everything will become worser than it already is? Why do I even bother to listen when you are just trying to force me into what you think is the best for me? I have given up trying to understand you. I have given up communicating with you. I don't care if you are old or sick or just finding some lame excuses, you are not who you are anymore. I will say what you want to hear, I will do what you ask me to, I will love you when you want me to, I will give you the amount of respect you demand, I will talk when you expect an answer, I will simply become your puppet. You will see no true feelings and emotions from me, no truth, no personality. All that is left is my skin, flesh and bone.
The Father I know, love & respect very much is gone when you board the first plane out of town.

Jasmine died on 11 March 2009; 2200

Caused of death: A man who identified himself as her father

shattered

2009-03-11T17:11:00.002+08:00

Jasmine is seriously sulking because of a certain ET. I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve and nobody seem to give a care in the world. I'm feeling the pain again. The pain of losing him, the hurt I'm feeling, the worry that he will leave. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but no one hears. Wishing for the immerse pain, hoping for the love to desert me.
At the end of the day, who will care? I'm breaking apart inside.

While walking up my mountain, I kept thinking of him, comtemplating what I should do, brewing plans in my mind, building up my courage to let him know, wanting to see him again and again, wishing i'm right this time, hoping i'll be safe, anticipating his sms to come through anytime, craving for my name to leave his lips, longing to see his name appear, thinking i'll see him when I turn back, yearning to feel his wild horse. But when I reached the top, i realized i just want to be beside him, taking care of him, being there to support him and knowing that i am someone he can trust and turn to anytime.

Dang! I'm falling hard & fast for him. I'm jumping head first into a pit of flames. But who cares? Not him.

=)=

2009-03-10T23:15:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to worry about my feelings again.. Thinking too much and reading too much into his actions.. This is very bad.. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I should really start to leave him alone once in a while & stop being so sticky. I'm happy to be around him, glad that he is doing things he likes. But I want to be in his life.. Haiz.. I'm so demanding.. Shall harden my heart & not talk to him.
On another note, I'm going to the ZOO!!

2009-03-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

Had a full 9 hours of sleep last night for the first time in ages! Now, I'm full of energy.. -.-

Surprisingly, I dreamt of him. It was nice enough to keep me thinking about it the whole day..

I just realized WS had been keeping track of my life since sec sch! which means he practially knows everything that most pple don't! OMG!! I'm majorly paranoid to find out who else had been reading my entries.. People who would be the last I would think of.. This is scary~

Had been irritated by my dad the whole day. Refused to talk to him because of a simple thing. ROAR! Still angry with him for switching the router's place. Now i have to walk all the way to the living room just to switch it on/off. Such a simple thing coz me to not talk to him.. Haiz.. I'm starting to PMSing. watever. heck.

2009-03-08T00:04:00.002+08:00

It's hasn't been easy on me for the past 2 weeks but i know I can. History came flooding back the every morning I decided to let go. Send the last message and is determined not to care anymore. Let nature take its course. I truely believe that if we are meant to be, nothing can keep us apart. Sometimes, deep at night, I still have recollections of our past and wishes things to be the same in the future. But watever.

1930-2350

2009-03-07T23:50:00.001+08:00

Had a wonderful ride this evening. From West to East and back. The sound of the engine just took my breath away. So, just try to imagine the speed and the thrill. Although he was reckless, but he is careful. Now, i'm contradicting myself. Too bad, that's me.. Both of them ride similarly, they were reckless & love speed. Infact, I was surprised at myself that I trusted him alot more as compared to another. I even dared to close my eyes and just enjoyed the ride! On top of all the excitement, what made an impression wasn't the horsepower of his bike or the thosands of cars that we overtook but it was a simple thing like keeping to his word. That is all that matters. I really feel that he is such a sweet & wonderful guy. Best of all, he is extremely responsible, caring, considerate & I should stop before this entry turns into an essay.

We are friends. period.

2009-02-14T17:13:00.005+08:00

ABBA - The Winner Takes it All

I don't wanna talk

About the things we've gone through

Though it's hurting me

Now it's history

I've played all my cards

And that's what you've done too

Nothing more to say

No more ace to play

The winner takes it all

The loser standing small

Beside the victory

That's her destiny

I was in your arms

Thinking I belonged there

I figured it made sense

Building me a fence

Building me a home

Thinking I'd be strong there

But I was a fool

Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice

Their minds as cold as ice

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all

The loser has to fall

It's simple and it's plain

Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss

Like I used to kiss you?

Does it feel the same

When she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside

You must know I miss you

But what can I say

Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide

The likes of me abide

Spectators of the show

Always staying low

The game is on again

A lover or a friend

A big thing or a small

The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk

If it makes you feel sad

And I understand

You've come to shake my hand

I apologize

If it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence

But you see

The winner takes it all

The winner takes it all......

13-14

2009-02-14T16:26:00.002+08:00

School is finally OUT! Woot~

Valentine Day was a day of mixed feelings.
Happy that I spent it with you. Finally get to go to the beach after so long. Miss the sound of the waves and the coolness of the wind, the calmness of the sand and the presence of you.
I hate myself for loving you for the past 8 years.
Afraid of my dad. Don't want to imagine.
Scared of the possibility of what might or hopefully might not happen with you. Everything have changed. Things would never be the same again.
Dying to hold you in my arms again, to feel you being next to me. Will you ever be mine again? Possibly have been waiting for you ever since 01 August 2001.
Whatever happened, i am asking for it. Will you be supporting it with me?

5 to go..

2009-02-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

Another 1 week more to go.. Perserve for the last week & all will be better..
My cousin obtained a First Aid cert after 18hrs.. It is stupid only 18hrs?! Anybody can go fro it already luhh..
Need to complete 6 papers to as to submit them next week. Wheelock is trying to kill me!!

2009-01-27T01:43:00.002+08:00

Happy 牛 year!!

This Chinese New Year sucks because of assignments. period.

2nd week

2009-01-13T19:46:00.003+08:00

I'm coping well.. =)Should be able to sleep more tonight! Finally~

It has been so long since we last talked.
Many things have changed but somehow,
I felt so at ease around you.
Probably it is because we used to be such good friends.
It seemed like we have been talking all along.
Then, we weren't aware and are too naive.
Being friends mean the world to me.
Now, everything have been said and done
but it is all too late to turn back time.
If i could, i would cherish the times together and
hope and prays that fate would bring us together again

Mugging, NOT!

2009-01-11T14:57:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Yi Ting!!!

I'm stuck at Starbucks again. The mugging days have decended upon me.. Argh!!
Anyways, i'm so bored waiting for Sarah Yu. Look at the top.. So evidently bored to the max!Suppose to do doing my assignments but i'm happily not! Facebooking, shopping, msning, staring at passerbys, everything else except what I should be doing.

How am I going to finish???? Tesuki!!

2009-01-01T06:15:00.000+08:00

Twilight was boring and very draggy... The story resolves around a great-looking vampire falling for a girl whose scent he hungers for and ends up protecting her from others who wants to drink her blood. She got saved by him over and over again throughout the whole movie.. The only consolation is that Edward is so good-looking adn when he smiles, ahhh~
Please go adn watch this show if you have nothing better to do for 2 hours.

Anyway, got back to Singapore on 27h Dec. Got off the plane, took a taxi home, changed & took the MRT to Bedok to Bi Ling's house for 'Christmas gathering''. After that, went to my cousin's house to spend the night.

Have watched:
1. Yes Man
2. Bedtime Stories
3. Twilight
in 3 days! 1 movie per day..

Met up with Lincoln, Shawn, Tiam & Jackie with my sis for movie.. it was fun hanging out with them. After the movie, Lincoln have to go home for BBQ and we sort of invited ourselves - Jackie, Tiam & me. Lincoln's house is damn BIG! Corner terrace with his own swimming pool. Although not an extremely big pool buy still they have their own pool which is amazing enough!! Slacked few hours at his house and when we have to go, we went over to Joshua's house which is as spacious and Joshua has got 2 dogs!! 1 golden & a shiba as well as a stared tortoise. needless to say, Joshua has millions of toy cars! Just to let you know, Josh is only 4 years old and he simply loves cars...

Well, Jackie's, Tiam's & my 2009 started with a 5 mins plus display of fireworks above the floating platform behind Marine Square. The brothers went with me to meet a chef friend of mine. They accompany me just to watch the fireworks and went home. They are just so sweet~ Hope they didn't get scolded by Aunty for reaching home too late.

Now, i'm at my cousin's house again... Staying over again...

Till next time.. tata

2008-12-17T03:26:00.001+08:00

This girl sitting beside me is damn irritaing & annoying.. The worst part is that she can't stop talking & she is really getting on my nerve!! *screams
She keeps on yanking & yanking. She can even speak to herself even when no one is listening and talking to her! Damn pro!!

2008-12-17T03:22:00.002+08:00

Finally get a chance to use the internet!! Missed it so so much

The weather here is damn cold... I'm in Amsterdam now in the hotel which i'll stay for 2 nights.. It looks like some nice place.. Much nicer than the previous fews we were staying with.. =) Going for some canel boat ride tml morning & i'll have to wake up at like 6.30am!! So much earlier than the time I actually wake up in SG.. OMG!! After that it is to some red light district which probably got the guys so excited.. *secretly laughing at them*

Haix... I missed Singapore!! I want chinese food! My white rice, fried hokkien mee, garlic chicken rice, the sun, the warmth, my BED! & mostly my laptop..

Shall have to stay here for another 1 week before i can enjoy my warm Singapore sun!
I want to stay here coz it is so nice & relaxing but I wan to go back home too .. How ironic...

2008-12-08T21:43:00.001+08:00

Goodbye Singapore

Hello Europe

2008-12-07T18:21:00.002+08:00

Have been feeling lazy... Not attending things when I'm supposed to.. Haiz..

Going to Europe soon... Doesn't feel as exciting as I should... What's wrong with me??? I know many of my friends will be dying to go in my place... I'm happy, i'm glad, i'm blessed to be able to go to such a far away & E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E country at a time like this.. Haiz... Guess the extremely last min Jasmine is kicking in...

On a different note, I went shopping the past few days..

2008-11-28T18:20:00.001+08:00

Passed!

Enuff said.

Shopping & Sis

2008-11-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

Jasmine is a happy girl today coz she went shopping with her beloved sister & bought 2 tops from ZARA

SHOPPING IS LOVE

Let's see if I can find wat i bought..

30mins flew by..

Can't find. =(

FTT here i come!! I am going to conquer you first thing tml morning..

2008-11-24T22:28:00.003+08:00

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Everytime went out with Nad & i don't feel like going to work the next day...
Theory Pract, cck - movie, 61 - IKEA, Anchorpoint, 970 - home sweet home

1. Malaysia
2. West Coast Park

Love her to bits & pieces..

Gone to sleep... & waking up at 5:30am

Life is a circle waiting to be broken

Love Story

当你孤单你会想起谁

寂寞边界

7.23

2008-11-23T10:28:00.002+08:00

Finally back to telling the world about my life. Everything has ended. I just glad they have.

Anyways, just a brief update..
Went & returned from Hong Kong with 4 of my darlings.
Had been working ever since sch ended.
Took up Jap with colleague.
Miss my threesome partners.
Getting my freedom soon.

On a different note, found a cool blog.. View it!

2008-10-04T01:48:00.003+08:00

A BIG BIG Thank You to...
Girlfriend: Steph!! [Love her to bits & pieces]
Threesome partner: Sarahh [Love her but love girlfriend more]
Pooh-love: Yvonne [Listening earsss]
Crazy woman: Rina [laugh laugh laugh]
Sweet?!!: Qiaoyi [Looks can be deceiving]
Another crazy woman: Geraldine [Sentosa, volleyball!!]

I want to go on G-Max again!!! hahah.. The ride was unforgettable esp with Ah Von's birthday song..

~*~

I'm going to Hong Kong with 4 of my Darlings in a few hours.. So excited.. My luaggage is still halfway packed.. i'm such a last min person & definitely a slacker.. But, who cares~

Work more, save alot & spend less! - My life philosophy

- according to Ah Ger

2008-10-01T02:26:00.003+08:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		12
Physical Touch:		8
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

2008-09-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

Finally the 'last' day of school!!!

No more assignments!

Suddenly, I feel lost with nothing to do.. =(

I can see people trying to box me.. hahah...

Esp those who have to mug for their up-coming exams..

I want to go shopping, shopping & more SHOPPING!! Wake up, eat, slack, eat sleep... This is life!! In between, slot work in somehow... Have to earn enough for Boston next June!

Hmm... Shall watch Bleach 24/7! Getsuga Tenshou!! I shall catch up to Thomas the train.. Haha.. He will kill me & minced me up if he ever sees this... But, Thomas is cute! Don't u think so... *winks*

Hong Kong, here I come! 1st overseas trip with 4 of my darlings.. Very excited & scared at the same time.. What if we get lost? Got separated in crowds? Somehow, we became a burden to one another as we have to take care of one another when we are there.. No more relying on moms & dads.. Where to go, what to eat, how to go, everything! We have to rely on ourselves & on each other.. So looking forward to the trip.. Let's hope I won't quarrel with her there.. -prays hard- But, I'm sure we won't.. We will wait till we are back in Singapore before quarrelling.. Haha..
I shall start packing on Wed!

-jumps away to watch Bleach-

2008-09-09T13:36:00.002+08:00

I'm suppose to listen to presentations but I'm just so bored...

Why do they always come & look for me whenever they are attached???
Why can't they just remain true to their girlfriends..
Am I such a good distraction?
I realized something: Any guy who have been 'together' or together with me, found girls & they stayed with her for a longer period of time..
WHY!!!

*<<[JasMinE]>>*

Everything ends with a full-stop

-broken

brokenhearted

4/5

3/5

2/5

1/5

1st year =(

Disappointed

WTF?

Vanishing Acts

My Sister's Keeper

Not again...

My weird dreams & I

4 Tattoos

Happy New Year

The final lap

♥ ♥

HPY

Weird Dreams

What's in a dream?

Cha Cha

6 INTENSIVE weeks

4th day in Vietnam

3rd day in Vietnam

2nd day in Vietnam

Vietnam

1 month

mixed up

='(

1379914

Time?

Make a Decision

confused

<3

8 days left

Rain

Another weekend had passed

WFT & SPE 341

Hold on, Boston

Tuesday

2nd weekend

last day of class

Fire Drill; Sunshine!!; President

1-5pm

1st day of sch

Last Sun before class

VS, A&F, Coach, Outfitter, AE...

The T

Boston

Last day in SG

2/3

1/3

Mixed emotions

Irritated by you!!

2 days only

1103092200

shattered

=)=

1930-2350

13-14

5 to go..

2nd week

Mugging, NOT!

Shopping & Sis

7.23

The Five Love Languages

Complete set of results

Information

<<[JasMinE]>>